Please don’t go getting all upset with me on this one because I’m not suggesting we should all judge each other purely on the basis of attractiveness. What we shouldn’t stuff under the bed and try to ignore however, is that how attractive and appealing we feel as individuals impacts our lives enormously.
When we feel physically appealing, we feel more confident. Sexier. Healthier. Maybe even more energetic. All of this can all be seen in the way we behave, our CANDo attitude and how we interact with others.
God forbid that we should all feel the need to aim for the air brushed looks of models and show biz stars in the media – let’s face it, few of us have the army of personal trainers, cooks, housekeepers, personal stylists and PR people that are a dab hand with Photoshop that would make this look even remotely attainable! What I am suggesting is that a partner that is clean and tidy, reasonably dressed and makes the most of what they have to stay physically attractive appears on everyone’s “care label” somewhere.
When you first attracted your partner, the chances are it was as a result of some visual stimulation. After that, you would have gone on to get to know each other and seen other characteristics that matched your care instructions. If after you get it on permanently you then stop taking care of yourself, shaving so often, wearing pretty clothes because the baby pukes on them, stop exercising and put on excessive amounts of weight, develop a beer gut, etc., the chances are, you’re not satisfying your partner’s “care label” instructions.
While most will forgive a lapse for a short period, if it goes on for any length of time, it will slowly and silently nibble away at the love in your relationship.
If physical appeal doesn’t feature prominently on your partner’s “care label” and your other characteristics have greater importance you may be okay for a while. If it’s standing feature however, you’re going to be neglecting one of their essential care instructions – you won’t be doing yourself any favours either.
I realised my failing in this sense last year. In the years up until 2004BC (Before Children), I used to like to think I had a side of me that was a little sex kittenish. I’d indulge myself in sexy (but still relatively practical) lingerie which I loved because it made me feel so feminine and my husband admired somewhat appreciatively. Then kids happened – Uh Oh! The mummy side of me ousted my lingerie and my sex kitten slowly curled up into a neglected little ball of fluff in the corner. All the colourful fripperies that had adorned me and my underwear drawer morphed into greyish white, Bridget Jones pants et al. My hubby hadn’t said anything, although I did occasionally notice him glance longingly at the lingerie section from afar whenever we were shopping! In the end however, it was me that recognised the need to remain attractive for myself.
Searching for inspiration as to how to spruce my “keep it attractive” life skills up a bit again, I uncovered the most wonderful little book and I’m begging you not to be put off by the title!
Yes! I’m serious! This book with written by Anne Fogerty in 1959 but, if you’re confident enough to take the very obvious sexism with a pinch of salt, much of the advice Anne gave then is still SO relevant today.
The minute the book arrived I felt more feminine and attractive – it’s simply beautiful! If I could be a book, this is the book I would want to be. Even just holding it I wanted to don an Audrey Hepburn, Rockabilly swing type of cocktail dress and elegantly flick away at a twenty-inch long cigarette holder – without the smelly cigarette of course!
The book contains loads of recommendations for improving your self-image, how best to dress yourself, compact your wardrobe, tips on choosing suitable wear for the kitchen, boudoir, etc. And, here’s a mega important one – how to stay comfortable at home without resorting to baggy sweats all the time.
Some of the stuff about minks and furs is laughable today but, for the most part, the book left me on a real high and I’ve added it to the resources page as worthwhile reading.
It’s really important to keep in mind here, that my desire to feel more attractive wasn’t initially for my husband – although to be fair perhaps it should have been. I got this book and acted on it to stay attractive for myself. I felt better. I felt healthier. I felt more of a CANDo type of person. I felt more positive about life and I felt as though my life was a better place to live. As a happy bi-product my husband also became happier too because my being physically more appealing improved our relationship in ways I hadn’t been aware it was suffering.
Staying attractive is also not just about women – although it is more likely to appear higher up on a man’s “care label” than a woman’s. Most women require a man that showers daily, doesn’t have excessive body odour, wears clean and tidy clothes, makes the effort not to scratch them red-raw with stubble and keeps themselves reasonably fit. So their “care label” will feature “physical appeal” too.
Physical appeal and attractiveness is not about beauty. It’s not about looking like Marilyn Monroe, Johnny Depp or Charlize Theron. It’s about making the best of what you have. You don’t need to become a super model however, you should try to continue to resemble the person you were when you met, albeit a little rounder and saggier round the edges.
Make the most of yourself and you’ll be making the most of your relationship.
How do you keep yourself in shape for your partner? Why not share your tips with us so others CANDo it too?