Men and women speak different languages. That is to say, they use the same words, but how the brains of men and women process these words is completely at odds with the other.
Women have a penchant for very emotional language “you never do this” or “Why can’t you ever do that?” They tend to use words that infer meanings and express feelings. Men, on the other hand, say it how it is. They are much more literal and action orientated. For this reason, men often take what women say literally, which can cause no end of confused arguments.
You may come home to a partner who wants to talk about their day, the difficulties and delights they’ve had, etc. without needing action. They just want things off their chest. To share their thoughts. Talk with someone. Your immediate response – especially if you’re male – may be to try and look for active ways to solve any issues that are raised – so don’t go there!
While this need to talk is usually on a women’s “care label”, I do know of men that do this too. In fact, one male of my acquaintance feels such a need to express his feelings and talk intimately, I actually find myself being a bit of a bloke. I end up trying to solve his problems and being a little literal about this. This particular male friend doesn’t find me very understanding as a conversationalist – go figure. I’m pretty sure it’s because I frustrate him – which is quite understandable I suppose being as I’m not tending to him according to his “care label”. Luckily, he’s not my husband so it’s not so threatening to our relationship – although that’s not to say I don’t make an effort for the sake of our friendship.
But what about the other side. If you’re faced with silence or indifferent comments. You may feel the need to delve, to find out more but then, when all you receive is more silence or, short, factual responses, you could be forgiven for feeling somewhat insecure or neglected. The immediate reaction – especially if you’re female – will be to probe – another potential mistake.
In a relationship, even having a “conversation” often means slightly different things. It’s important to understand, that different care instructions are needed when we talk and often a universal translator required to understand.
Because men are very literal, conversations after the initial courting stage may become much more ritual and factual; be used to exchange information or to achieve goals. Women on the other hand, tend to possess more of a need to talk for the sheer joy of sharing their thoughts, personal experiences and feelings. They’re not looking for answers. They’re looking to “connect” emotionally and they receive emotional strength and feel “connected” to their partner through this.
Learning how to communicate in a male / female relationship means learning to “translate” what’s required appropriately. Are you required to do something or simply listen?
Partner’s that can accept the need to simply be heard will be following an important emotional care instruction – as will those that leave well alone when there’s nothing to be said.
Although the desire for deep conversation is usually clearly stamped on a woman’s “care label”, it can also appear on a man’s. You need bridge the communications gap between yourself and your partner to get to know what’s on each other’s “care label” in terms of conversational desires if you’re to properly tend to them.
It’s also worthwhile brushing up your communication and conversational life skills to make sure that you’re saying the right things, in the right way. Being disrespectful, uncaring, angry or simply, not listening attentively, can all take their toll on how effective you both are at communicating
Who likes to talk most in your relationship you or your spouse? How do you deal with satisfying each other care instructions in this area?