This isn’t what I signed up for!
If you’re in a relationship then you’re probably already more than aware it comes with ups and downs.
I work like a dog and all she does is complain. She never have energy left for me!
You can cry and stamp your feet as much as you like for things to be how they used to but, it ain’t gonna happen. If your relationship’s going to survive, you need to accept those times have gone.
My God I don’t remember marrying that!
One of the things my husband and I learned early on (thankfully), is that what makes or breaks our relationship is ongoing care and maintenance. It’s our willingness to work at stuff that’s changing or may be getting worn before it becomes irreparably damaged.
You used to love coming to football with me, why don’t you now?
Ongoing maintenance means being prepared to continually sharpen your life skills when it comes to love, including:
- Communication Skills – Being able to talk honestly and openly about our needs, likes and dislikes in an appropriate way.
- Showing Respect – Being disrespectful is a sure fire way to end any attempt at communication and will only instigate conflict. Check you’re being respectful. It’s the little things that often count.
- Self-Confidence & Self-Esteem – Being confident enough to express our needs and being able to accept criticism without taking things personally. You are responsible for expressing your needs to your partner. If your partner is communicating with the skills sharped by point 1 and the respect sharpened by point 2, any criticism should be accepted with the self-confidence to know that the remarks have been made with love to improve things.
- Kindness & Compassion – Even after the first flush of a new relationship, each partner still needs to be really listened to, trusted, admired and appreciated. Make a point of being kind and compassionate.
- Cooperation – a willingness to continue to learn and improve our skills is paramount. Partners are often so close emotionally to their issues, they don’t see them. Make the time occasionally to read self-help books and web-sites. They’ll highlight things you’ll suddenly be able to relate to your own behaviour or that of your partner. Bones of contention you weren’t conscious of because of the male-female divide will suddenly become clear. It will also give you ideas on how to nip potential issues in the bud before they become problems.
He treats me like a servant and never helps!
How do you keep your relationship healthy or attract love into your life? Why not share on a CANDo email or in the comments below.