Yep! We women just lurve to talk. There’s no denying it and who the heck would want to anyway.
Whereas for men, talking is usually a means to an end, conversation is the way many women connect emotionally with their partners. It’s a way they can express their deepest feelings and inner emotions – maybe that’s why we love it so much and do it SO often.
Needless to say – but I’ll say it anyway – it’s an important care instruction on many “care labels” which is why it’s a biggie to follow it if you want to keep your relationship healthy.
Conversational skills are life skills that we really need to learn if we’re gonna fly in many areas of our lives. Some people seem natural-born conversationalists – content to yack away and always at the ready with some interesting snippet or a question that opens up the stage for their conversation partner to shine. Most however, find it a little tougher – with more than a few read to bulk and flee at the very idea of “small talk”.
If you’re the latter, don’t fret! The bottom line is that there are a few tricks you can slip up your sleeve to pep your conversational skills up to a level that will satisfy the most demanding partner’s “care label”.
If you’ve got out of the habit of really talking to each other – and we’re not talking “pass the salt” here – try a few of these:
- Start off by listening. A lot of the time, the art of being a good conversationalist is not actually to talk – it’s to shut up and listen. Listen to what is being said. Pick up on something your partner is saying that is clearly of interest to them. Ask them a question or two about that very thing. Then stand back and let them chatter. You still need to actively listen. Look at them. Provide feedback where appropriate. But mostly you just need to listen.
- Think back to when you first started seeing each other. What interested you about each other when you spoke. Was it talking about a particular sport, like, dislike, celebrity, event, topic? Revive your interests in these things.
- If you’ve both discovered new interests, make the effort to find out more about each other’s favourite pastimes and hobbies.
- Get into the habit of spending quality time together where you actually talk to each other. It’s really easy at the end of a hard day to flop in front of the TV in silence or eat on the run. Make time to eat together at the table and talk about your day. Bathe together or simply switch off the TV, sit on the sofa with a glass of wine and talk.
- Make sure your attention is undivided while you’re talking. Your focus should be on each other.
- Don’t dwell on talking about problems, issues or difficulties. I’ll give these things do need discussing but not every minute of every day. They shouldn’t be the full extent of your conversation repartee.
- Always be respectful and mindful of how you say things – even if you don’t respect your partner’s opinion (and let’s face it that happens to just about all of us sometimes), you should remain respectful with your words and body language.
- Never say anything in anger. Take a time out and chill. Then carry on. My husband has a saying his father taught him and he, in turn, has brought to our relationship and is now passing on to our children “Never to do or SAY anything you think you would regret later”. It really is good advice.
- Aim for balance. It’s great to be a good listener, but it’s also important that you try and talk too – if you can!
- Be honest with each other. If you don’t like something, say so in a respectful way. Being honest about your hopes, fears, feelings and desires is the best way you and your partner can fulfil them or allay them.
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