Do Fear or Doubt often stop you achieving your goals?
Does fear of failure stop you even bothering to try sometimes – I mean why stick your neck out, right?
If the answer to these questions is yes, then have no Fear, CANDo Life Skills is here!
Fear is a natural human instinct; an every day, normal part of life and a defence mechanism that is essential for survival.
Problems begin however, when our Inner Imp Fear’s sense of self-preservation hinders us from taking advantage of what life has to offer and enjoying new experiences. When your Inner Imp Fear is the one that’s got you in his grips rather than the other way around, he self-imposes limits and then what?
You’re living a life where Fear is in control, limiting your choices and putting barriers in the path of success that really don’t need to be there.
It may be that this wayward Inner Imp is so shouty, he’s stopping you going for a promotion for fear of failure, socialising with friends or colleagues or preventing you from talking to someone you’re attracted to for fear of rejection? Whatever he’s stopping you doing, you need to seize the day and muzzle this guy if you’re gonna conquer him.
So how do you conquer Fear – he’s often got valid arguments and needs to be listened to after all?
Know Thy Enemy
Were you afraid of monsters in the cupboard or under the bed as a child? I know I’d lay there staring at this unidentified shape in the corner of the room, imaging horns and fangs dripping with blood only to turn the light on and discover it was my dressing gown on a hanger. My point here – and I do have one honest – is that often we are afraid of things that simply aren’t a reality. They are simply Fear and Imagination working overtime and creating something that’s not there.
Take a look at what you’re really afraid of, is it real or mainly supposition on the part of Fear and Imagination?
Armed with your list, consider carefully the origins of Fear’s fear; the reason WHY he’s desperately clinging on to this thing.
Are you worried about going to a party because you experienced an embarrassing moment at a previous shindig?
Are you avoiding applying for a new job or promotion because you’ve experienced the disappointment of being turned down so often?
Try and come up with something for each one. It won’t be easy, you’re probably going to be facing some really uncomfortable demons and digging to uncover memories that you’ve worked really hard to block out because they were unpleasant but stick with it.
Once you’ve done that, you’re ready for the hard bit 🙂
Work out how you can overcome Fear’s fears and conquer them.
Step by Step
One of my favourite tactics I’ll put my hand up and admit. Take small steps. No matter how insignificant you might consider them, each step you take will give your Inner Imp Self-Esteem a shot of confidence. It will take time – sometimes a lot – but if you’re determined, you CANDo it.
Of course, the steps you take will depend entirely on what’s got Fear’s knees-a-knocking.
People seem to just love examples of how other people suffer, so here goes;
If the bee in Fear’s bonnet is socialising and he has you spending your evenings at home alone, then you’re going to need to start exposing him to such horrors as going out. Start off with one on one trips out with a good friend, then start increasing the number of people in the group. Have a friend join a new gym with you or take a swim/cardio class once a week. Make yourself go out at least two to three times a week. Make yourself start saying inane things to strangers, e.g., a nod, smile or a good morning. Your aim here is to show Fear that people aren’t generally rude and nasty, the majority are actually really nice and he has absolutely no grounds to worry and stop you doing things.
By knowing the enemy that is Fear’s fear, you can own it (or them), make sure it’s real and not built on an overactive imagination. Armed with that you will be able to figure out ways to overcome it.
It’s not easy. For many, fears can be so deep-seated that professional help is the only way to dig them up and face them, whilst for many more, their Imp Fear’s fears are irrational and can often be shown up for the impostors they really are.
Don’t surrender to Fear. Have a face-off with him and open yourself up to the opportunities that life has to offer.
At CANDo Life Skill we love to help people realise their dreams and would love it if you could help us do that by spreading the word about what CANDo Life Skills CANDo on Facebook or Twitter. Go on, spread a little CANDo Get-Up and Go-Go.